Archive for the ‘Musing’ Category
I ride the bullet of time hitting a target of nowhere. My heart stopped bleeding eons ago, my soul numbed by life’s vicissitudes. Existentialism, Rationalism, Zen– they are nothing but a gamut of superficial self-medications meant to divert one’s mind from the gnawing truth: I am therefore I live. Or is it the other way around? Who cares. I have no time for your psychobabble bull.
You see, I am certain about my ambiguity. An exercise in irony perhaps or just a cute way to tuck away my guilt? Could be. But I have been wrong before and so have you. Who are you to say what is right for my life when there are so many wrongs to right in yours? I have died the moment you chose my life for me. Live and let live. Life is what is, not what could be, should be, must be. I am not your doppelgänger. Get yourself a mirror and it would only cost you a tenth of your poor man’s hourly wage. Remember Narcissus.
If I die alone, so be it. If I am fated to be acquainted with grief, then the hell with your sympathy, thank you very much. I am not a child of the “If” universe. Is it too much to ask to be a master of my destiny?
Thinking is short for feeble-mindedness. Feeling is only for the weak. I haven’t really lived until I let my senses die and give in to my elemental sense of being. I am older than my age, longer than my years, more complex than space and time. If you think you know better, try ignorance.
The future does not exist, and the past is mostly dead weight. Today is all I’ve got along with myself– the only truths I can rightfully lay claim to. I don’t want everything. I desire nothing. But today, in all its objective reality and abstract underpinnings, defines who I am, and I lend it essence and credence in return.
I am late– and too hurried to say goodbye, too harried to say hello. The freeway is my friend, taking in my greed for speed, where cars and people and the scenery are mere illusions or a blur of kinetic abstractions. Somewhere beyond the convergence of the firmament and the pavement lies the object of my haste. Time and space give way to the now. My gaze is transfixed at ten minutes into the future. Hie I must: forward, onward!
Glancing in the rear view mirror, I see myself glaring back at me as the immediate past trails gracefully behind me, unequivocally relinquishing the moment to the present. It is life’s macrocosm in a brief linear singularity: the then and the now melding into a certainly uncertain thereafter.
Moving on is looking forward to something good. Looking back is knowing you are moving on to something better.
Too late to speculate.
Writing is a thirst I haven’t quite quenched yet, a passion still to be unbridled. Lest I lose a cherished though neglected gift, I might as well give it free rein. Writing is more than just neat syntax and clever juxtaposition of ideas. Words don’t have a meaning. They seek a meaning. For words to have power, they need soul. A story chooses its listeners when the storyteller knows its heart and knows it by heart. After all is said and written, the ones that really stand the test of time are those with timeless messages and ageless appeal. In their core lies the seed of truth guised as pixelated, printed, scribbled, or etched characters in search of a purpose in order to escape the realms of abstraction. To be a bearer of truth and to beautifully and meaningfully convey it are my hope, pursuit, reward, and fulfillment as a true wordsmith.
Blogging is more onerous than I imagined. I had the notion that all I could do is babble away like a child who just learned to vocalize. An apt simile, but I want to do more than just ramble. Thus the conundrum : do I let the words flow like a brooklet enticed by gravity or let them take flight like a rocket reaching escape velocity?
First day of blogging and I’m already having a blogstipation! I’m not gonna bleg though lest I lose the very essence of self-expression. As a guiding principle of writing, I will follow my heart and be honest with my emotions; I will free my mind and open myself to all nuances of truth; I will feed my soul and be all I can be; and I will feast on life and savor what is and what is now.
Whether it’s flow or fly, gravity will keep me in check.